Oh, where to begin...
During these past few months I have managed to make Miss Eyre jealous by my pretending to be interested in Blanche Ingram, become engaged to Miss Eyre, become un-engaged to Miss Eyre and now I have find myself terribly alone. I blame all of this on my father and brother- if they hadn't forced me into marrying Bertha at such a young age and without hardly knowing her, then I wouldn't have had to lie to Miss Eyre about Bertha's existence and my marriage with her.
I had planned on telling Miss Eyre about Bertha, I was just waiting for the right time- exactly after a year and one day of us being married.
Not only did I lose Miss Eyre because I betrayed her trust, I also lost Thornfield Hall all thanks to the insane Bertha who burned the place down one night. I did my best to save everyone in the house, but unfortunately Bertha perished in the fire and I was left blinded.
How I do miss Miss Eyre. Her company was always quite enjoyable to me and now all I left is Ms. Fairfax and her husband here to keep me company. At night sometimes I call out her name in hopes that wherever she is she is able to hear me and will come back... but I do this to no avail. I do wish her the best and hope she is safe, but I wish she were here with me, safe in my arms.
Perhaps it's for the best that she has not returned- I did lie to her and trick her multiple times. Perchance this is the universe's way of telling me that I don't deserve to be with a woman like Miss Eyre- I do hope this isn't true though.
With shame and guilt,
Mr. Edward Rochester
(Sources: Jane Eyre chapters 17-36)
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